A break in the clouds

I'm not big on New Years Resolutions, I never end up keeping them anyway, but with all that's happened in the last few weeks, I do feel like it's time for some changes for me and some for my family too. I find myself starting 2012 with no job and no clue as to what I want to do next. I may not get to choose, at the end of the day I have three children to feed and bills to pay like everyone else, so it might be a case of taking what comes up.

I was reading this blog today, which in turn led me to another blog where the writer talks about wanting to put more importance on experiences than things or stuff. I could relate to both blogs, although certainly wouldn't be able to compete with the experiences the second blogger was talking about but the idea is the same.
Me and Mr P got to talking on Christmas Eve about how much importance is put on stuff and how we feel some of the excitement has gone from Christmas for some children as they no longer have to wait until Christmas or a Birthday for that special gift. Everything is so accessible now and a good many children get gifts all year round. I'm not ashamed to say I don't include my children in that. They almost always have to wait for things and get some things as gifts that other children just get given for no special reason. Sometimes they have to choose between things for example, a bigger gift or a party. I'm not afraid to tell them they can't have it all, or in fact that I can't afford something. This is one area of my life I don't have any plans for changing. I am proud of my children and their attitude towards money and possessions. I was worried on Christmas Eve that their little piles of gifts looked so small, but as they get older the gifts seem to get smaller and more expensive! I spend the same on each of them and they each had one main presents and a few other smaller gifts. But I needn't have worried as they were all delighted with the gifts they received on Christmas morning and in fact R, my 8 year old said the best gift he got was the quilt I made him (should I send the shiny new iPod back?)

So what will I change?
 I need to find a new job, hopefully it will be something I love. There is one plan I have in mind which involves cake and crafts, that some of you know about, but what I need to work out is whether I have the courage and drive to do it, or if I can live with the sacrifices it will mean making in the early stages...........Hmmmm?

I want us to eat better. Mr P always tells me that I'm ahead in this area, but not ahead enough for my liking. So I want to try more things, different things and I want my children to do the same.

I'm not going to diet. They don't work, at least not long term, and as I have been told, I don't really need to.
I'm a size 12 (can't believe I've published that fact!) I'm not huge as I used to have myself believe and complaining about my slight muffin top or curvaceous bottom is pathetic. If nothing else good came out of that car crash it was this! I'm not going to beat myself up anymore. I'm a 30 something mother of 3 beautiful children with a man who loves me and I'm alive! If my accident had happened differently I would have been lucky to be sat here typing this so no more putting myself down or beating myself up over things that really don't matter, and who's looking at me anyway!! So from now on I'll make an effort every day (this has already been noticed by the children, they thought I was off out on NYE!) and if I feel like wearing stockings or nice undies, then I shall, whatever day of the week it is!

I'm going to be more positive. I suffer from depression (another huge admission) It's not there all the time, but it comes in waves. It's easy to slide when things get you down, they escalate or spiral out of control. 2011 was a pretty bad year all round. It started with my Mum's funeral and ended with me losing my job and having my 'near miss' accident with other negative experiences scattered through the year. So instead of thinking about all the negative stuff (and there was plenty!) I had a think about the good things that happened last year. I thought it would be a short list but actually there were quite a few good things that happened once I started picking through it all.

- We had our first visitors 'Up North' two sets in fact, good friends and then my sister and her husband
-We discovered a new park
-Mr P turned 30
-M got fantastic SAT's results
-I took the children to London for a week we saw lots of sights and caught up with old friends
- We went on a lovely holiday
-M started secondary school
- The children spoilt me on my birthday
- I met three amazing new friends
-I wasn't seriously injured (or worse) in my accident.
And there were more sunny days, long walks, family dinners and birthdays to share too.

Today we got up early, well earlier than the rest of the holidays, it was dry and the sun was shining for the first time in ages. I went for a walk with the children and Bruno. It was lovely.
Tomorrow the children are back to school, Mr P is back to work and me, well, I'm not. I have forms for the liquidators to fill in to claim my owed wages and a job hunt to start. I'd happily be a SAHM but it doesn't pay the bills, so while I am at home I'm going to try and enjoy it and make everyday count. Now that I've seen that break in the clouds I want try and hold on to that feeling. This year has to be better than the last and maybe, just maybe if I believe good things will happen they will.

May 2012 have more sunshine than clouds

Smile, it confuses people!